Friday, February 11, 2011

Love Fest Day Five: That's Y-Amore Blogfest

Here's the host site, the Oasis for YA.

Post 250 romantic, swoon-worthy words from your YA WIP.

Then check out the entries from some of the other participants.

Okay- here are 264 words from my WIP. I couldn't go with less. This may be a little tell-y versus show-y, because I just added this scene, and it hasn't been through a rewrite yet.

To set the scene, my story is a YA mystery- with very little romance. This is the only kiss in the book. 

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“I have to tell you something.”
“Okay...”
“I like you, and I don’t mean as a friend, I mean, I like you.”
“Are you trying to say I complete you?”
I falter. “Please don’t make a joke right now.” I put my index finger against his lip. I take in a deep breath. “I don’t want to be just your friend. I am crazy about you. I love your gangly walk, and the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about some bullsh*t conspiracy. I don’t know what I’d do without your friendship, and I don’t care if this makes it awkward as hell for us, but you have to know.”
I pause, but only for a second. “You’re my best friend. You have to know this about me.”
I pull my finger back, and let go of him. I hope I haven’t blown it all. I’m afraid to look in his eyes, I’m afraid I’ll see hesitation, or worse: pity. I can’t leave it like this.
He looks like he’s about to say something, but before he can respond I zoom in, like a butterfly taking the sweetest nectar from a flower that just bloomed, and I kiss him.
I thought I was soaring before, but I was only coasting. We fly off the surface of the planet and hover there. It’s gentle and sweet and full of power all at once, and I don’t think I can stand it, because he’s kissing me back.
He pulls away. “You’re kinda blowing my mind here a little. Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Good.”
*************************

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23 comments:

  1. very nice! I love his reaction about it kinda blowing his mind a little bit. The voice is great and the the way you described the kiss is perfect.

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  2. Oh KISSING!! YAY!! <3 Great job, as always, Kat. :)

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  3. Aww, this was SO CUTE! "Are you trying to say I complete you?" Love that! :)

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  4. This is so sweet! I really love your style. My favorite line: "It’s gentle and sweet and full of power all at once, and I don’t think I can stand it, because he’s kissing me back."

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  5. This is really, really cute. Love the ending best.

    He pulls away. “You’re kinda blowing my mind here a little. Are you sure?”
    “Yes,” I say.
    “Good.”

    I cheered for her when he said good!

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  6. Oh my, oh my, oh my! Kat, this is wonderful! WONDERFUL. I concur that the voice is GREAT, and the "you're kinda blowing my mind"--SWOON.

    Your book sounds so amazing. Every time I read a clip, I think that. I can't WAIT to see this book in stores because I will DEFINITELY buy it (and not just 'cos you're my friend, but because it's AWESOME). :D

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  7. Yay! So cool. I love BFF's falling in love. Everyone else already commented on my favorite lines, so I'll just ditto all of the above.

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  8. VERY NICE! I love this line: I thought I was soaring before, but I was only coasting.

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  9. Thanks Alicia!

    I appreciate the comment Jessie!

    Thanks Holly. Willem and Bea forever!

    Thanks Pam- I hope that line isn't considered over-used yet, at least not until after I use it.

    Thanks Katy- I loved yours too!

    Me too Heather!

    Thanks Susan- that is such a wonderful compliment.

    Thank you Robin- BFF love is the best!

    Thank you AE! I appreciate it!

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  10. I love the line, "I don't think I can stand it, because he's kissing me back." Great stuff there.

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  11. I like how the tension builds up to long, crazy sentences (in a good way) to show how excited she is. Fun entry!
    erica

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  12. I love the comparison to a butterfly. :D

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  13. I love this *swoon* (and I did stalk you from the blogfest list) But I remember your query letter from the query shark!! I just can't believe I found your blog....

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  15. I love the build-up of tension here, you can totally feel her panic that he doesn't feel the same way, from her fast talking about why she likes him to the 'I can't bear to let him talk so I'm just gonna kiss him' decision. I also liked the "I'm afraid I'll see hesitation, or worse: pity" part-- it might be a little tell-y but it's got great voice. And of course I love the guy's voice, he almost steals the scene with his one line about her "kinda blowing [his] mind".

    For the one kiss of your book with very little romance, you managed to get a lot done! In one section you've got two great voices, a good indication of character and a butterfly simile. I always love reading your WIP excerpts.
    - Sophia.

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  16. Thanks Bethany!

    I appreciate it Jus.

    I hadn't noticed that erica-- thanks for pointing it out.

    Stina, she's a bug collector, so it works on a couple of levels.

    Thanks Broken Angel- yep, that was me. I got some feedback from the shark (who I ADORE!) and am just on the brink of querying that story again.

    Thank you Sophia-- such kind words. I appreciate them!

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  17. SWEEET! I love the "Good" at the end, assuring us that he does like her back. Awww. I just about melted. :)

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  18. Haha, if you get published then you have to tell me. I'll buy ten copies of your book and force my friends (and their siblings) to read it.

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  19. Awww, you totally got that first kiss feeling!

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  20. Thank you Yahong!

    You'll hear it here first, Broken Angel!

    Thanks Carrie- that's what I was hoping for!!

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  21. Oh my gosh, I thought it was too cute that she literally put her finger on his lips and left it there until she was done telling him what she had to say. Too cute!

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YAY for comments! Thanks for adding to the conversation.